MADAMECHAO.COM
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Terms of Use
1. Your Acceptance
BY USING AND/OR VISITING THIS WEBSITE (collectively, including all Content available through the MadameChao.com domain name, the "MadameChao Website", or "Website"), YOU SIGNIFY YOUR ASSENT TO BOTH THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MadameChao's PRIVACY NOTICE, WHICH ARE PUBLISHED AT http://www.MadameChao.com/2006/htm/legal/terms.html AND WHICH ARE INCORPORATED HEREIN BY REFERENCE. If you do not agree to any of these terms, then please do not use the MadameChao website. Or the internet at all, actually. More accurately, do not do ANYHING. Don't want to waive your right to a jury trial AND rent a movie at Schlockbuster? You are FREE to CHOOSE to do business elsewhere - so go and find another place to carry out any instance of the most mundane basic crap practices that are more or less necessary for the qualification of being counted as a bona fide living person WITHOUT submission to the most insane contract you will have every read (because you probably have never read any) - open a checking account, get a phone, use electrcity, etc - - can't find one? That's too bad. Maybe in today's USSA, you have to move to RED CHINA to live like a free person.
2. MadameChao Website
These Terms of Service apply to all users of the MadameChao Website, including users who are also contributors of video content, information, and other materials or services on the Website. The MadameChao Website may contain links to third party websites that are not owned or controlled by MadameChao. MadameChao has no control over, and assumes no responsibility for, the content, privacy policies, or practices of any third party websites. In addition, MadameChao will not and cannot censor or edit the content of any third-party site. By using the Website, you expressly relieve MadameChao from any and all liability arising from your use of any third-party website. Even if the site is endorsed or recommended, or links directly to a known harmful web resource - not unlike offering a potentially gut-retching noxious package of fecal waste in just one of many more delicious snack cakes for you to eat. Accordingly, we encourage you to be aware when you leave the MadameChao Website and to read the terms and conditions and privacy policy of each other website that you visit and every form you snore a signature to. Vomit in terror if necessary.
3. Website Access
A. MadameChao hereby grants you permission to use the Website as set forth in this Terms of Service, provided that: (i) your use of the Website as permitted is solely for your personal, noncommercial use; (ii) you will not copy or distribute any part of the Website in any medium without MadameChao's prior written authorization - or at least be working towards a mutual good like contributing creatively to the universe and NOT just behaving like a common thieving piece of shit; (iii) you will not alter or modify any part of the Website other than as may be reasonably necessary to use the Website for its intended purpose - unless you have downloaded a copy local to your computer in which case - who gives a flying frick what you do with data on your computer for your own use - just don't be a douche bag and try anything that is known (or ought to be known) commonly as douche bag behavior; and (iv) you will possess the most basic levels of intelligence and (previously) common sense ethics in the case that you consciously CHOOSE to otherwise NOT COMPLY with the terms and conditions of these Terms of Service.
B. In order to access some features of the Website, you will have to create an account. You may never use another's account without permission. When creating your account, you must provide accurate and complete information. You are solely responsible for the activity that occurs on your account, and you must keep your account password secure. You must notify MadameChao immediately of any breach of security or unauthorized use of your account. Although MadameChao will not be liable for your losses caused by any unauthorized use of your account, you may be liable for the losses of MadameChao or others due to such unauthorized use. You must realize at this point, that "we" as the authors of these terms that you must "agree" to in order to do ANYTHING - perhaps besides sitting and staring at a wall somewhere (pending outcome of current lobby) - will NEVER be in a position of disadvantage, nor assume responsibility for anything and especially never suffer any financial loss - EVER - when we can decide in advance that we both "agree" to your being held accountable for everything that transpires in all our dealings from now to infinity. Even if we are clearly at fault, we hereby "agree" in advance that you are going to foot the bill for whatever pitfall - your or ours. Suffered a significant inconvenience or even a severe hardship as a direct result of the incompetence given instead of help by an employee? Not only is an apology not required or even relevant - it will not be offered. Additionally, the information that you based your decisions on will be most cases inaccurate intentionally. Because of the basic assumption that no upstanding FINANCIAL INSTITUTION or Glossy-faced Corporation could rely on chinky cheap tricks or flat out premeditated deceptive tactics as the growing basis of the primary revenue on which their enterprise stands on, we have replaced pride, quality and value in our products and services with a very convincing line of bullshit (also know as legalese, horseshit or glorpshit-legal garbage) for you (it is hoped) to believe , that said horseshit is justified, legitimate and that you actually have to go along with it. Therefore even the simplest degrees of trust can and should be appropriately granted to, say, the "service representative" and the bank that holds your money - that you called to ask for information to base a decision on, for example. By NOT doing the job of the people you PAY to do such jobs, you have qualified for one of the many many ways that we can now hold you accountable for a fee and a fine or both depending on quickly we can confidently erase the evidence of the high school student who never worked here that you never spoke to before anyway - in addition to how deeply we care to fuck you for being our loyal customer. Either way, good rule of thumb - - if it will suck for you and be advantageous for us, there is no conflict of interest: Sucks for you.
C. You agree not to use or launch any automated system anywhere - ever. Including without limitation, "robots," "spiders," "offline readers," etc., that accesses the Website in a manner that sends more request messages to the MadameChao servers in a given period of time than a human can reasonably produce in the same period by using a conventional on-line web browser or a more contemporary outsourced Tong of Starved-Insane Burmese Computer Grad-Student (TsiBcgs) solution. Notwithstanding the foregoing, MadameChao grants the operators of public search engines permission to use spiders to copy materials from the site for the sole purpose of creating publicly available searchable indices of the materials, but not caches or archives of such materials. MadameChao reserves the right to revoke these exceptions either generally or in specific cases. You agree not to collect or harvest any personally identifiable information, including account names, from the Website, nor to use the communication systems provided by the Website for any commercial solicitation purposes. You agree not to solicit, for commercial purposes, any users of the Website with respect to their User Submissions. Unless of course, we will profit materially and immediately from such activity, in which case we may or may not continue to allow you to conduct this activity depending on whether or not we have gained the ability to do what you were doing ourselves and could logically cut you out of the picture entirely. This is especially the case if by fucking you over, such retard-American-minded business practice would also serve as a "fine thank you" for the money you had helped us make for the time we had allowed your conduct of any such activity even if we had no prior knowledge of any such thing and never would have had any clue that so much could be gained for our interests exclusively if not for your work which we have now essentially stolen - legitimately. But hey, it IS a FREE country after all. Naturally, this should be interpreted to mean that if a person does not innately assume that 2 chopsticks can and will be shoved straight up his ass the moment he shuts both of his eyes simultaneously - then this loser should know not to blink and do business, buddy! We are right, we know this - your affirmation does nothing for us. Just know, if you do not like our free system of trade, in our free market economy all in our freedom loving free country - which is based on laws by certain people and for certain people - then you can try to make change by pretending to believe everything else typically taken as true and beating your head into a wall until that change comes or you are dead - which ever comes first. Alternately, if you don't want to kid yourself (or die, more immediately) - go to Russia where the democracy and freedom are much more honestly brokered out by merchants who wont bullshit you on who is charge, what the real agenda is all about and how much you need to pay to get some tiny part of it.
4. Intellectual Property Rights
The content on the MadameChao Website, except all User Submissions (as defined below), including without limitation, the text, software, scripts, graphics, photos, sounds, music, videos, interactive features and the like ("Content") and the trademarks, service marks and logos contained therein ("Marks"), are... take a wild guess! That's right! owned by or licensed to MadameChao, subject to copyright and other intellectual property rights under United States and foreign laws and international conventions. Content on the Website is provided to you AS IS for your information and personal use only and may not be used, copied, reproduced, distributed, transmitted, broadcast, displayed, sold, thought about, discussed in a flattering way, licensed, or otherwise exploited for any other purposes whatsoever without the prior written consent of the respective owners. *** Even if your kid draws a crappy picture of an image from the MadameChao Website with a crayon and that picture gets on front page news as the crappiest piece of crap ever produced by a stupid kid and serves our interests unquestionably in the form of millions of dollars worth of free advertising and even less obviously by preserving a place in the life of the public mind for MadameChao even if just for a second longer is ultimately the most beneficial thing for MadameChao's financial interests because to not be sampled, referred to, discussed, thought of, or more or less, cared about in any form would mean being forgotten by the mass-mind which would equate to death financially as our assets would be even more undesired, meaningless and if possible, more worthless than currently appraised values- even in such an instance we agree by this instrument in advance that despite all of the beneficial things that would be gained from such an extraordinary occurrence - MadameChao can and will come to your home, tear the picture to shreds, piss on it and proceed to smack your kid in the head repeatedly until it thoroughly forgets what it did or why but remembers not to do it again. *** MadameChao reserves all rights not expressly granted in and to the Website and the Content. You agree to not engage in the use, copying, or distribution of any of the Content other than expressly permitted herein, including any use, copying, or distribution of User Submissions of third parties obtained through the Website for any commercial purposes. If you download or print a copy of the Content for personal use, you must retain all copyright and other proprietary notices contained therein. You agree not to circumvent, disable or otherwise interfere with security related features of the MadameChao Website or features that prevent or restrict use or copying of any Content or enforce limitations on use of the MadameChao Website or the Content therein.
5. User Submissions
A. The MadameChao Website may now or in the future permit the submission of videos or other communications submitted by you and other users ("User Submissions") and the hosting, sharing, and/or publishing of such User Submissions. You understand that whether or not such User Submissions are published, MadameChao does not guarantee any confidentiality with respect to any submissions. By this please be aware that we have every intention to gain materially and in the most immediate manner intrinsically by the fact we exist as a business born of the future former USSA. If our gain must result in your loss - whatever that may be or in what form it may come, let it not be said that we did not make our position of being 100% ok with that, known plainly and clearly. If, in the case that our goals to are to be met ONLY as the direct result of a process that also guarantees any calculable loss on your part, regardless of severity this would also be reasonable and not present any sort of difficulty on our part - even if by a more rational mind it could be seen how such indifference could easily lead to catastrophic consequence in the not too distant future - bafflingly, the right to fuck ourselves by means of fucking you is reserved entirely by MadameChao who plans to keep fucking until every last one of you is dead.
B. You shall be solely responsible for your own User Submissions and the consequences of posting or publishing them. In connection with User Submissions, you affirm, represent, and/or warrant that: (i) you own or have the necessary licenses, rights, consents, and permissions to use and authorize MadameChao to use all patent, trademark, trade secret, copyright or other proprietary rights in and to any and all User Submissions to enable inclusion and use of the User Submissions in the manner contemplated by the Website and these Terms of Service; and (ii) you have the written consent, release, and/or permission of each and every identifiable individual person in the User Submission to use the name or likeness of each and every such identifiable individual person to enable inclusion and use of the User Submissions in the manner contemplated by the Website and these Terms of Service. For clarity, you retain all of your ownership rights in your User Submissions. However, by submitting the User Submissions to MadameChao, you hereby grant MadameChao a worldwide, non-exclusive, royalty-free, sublicenseable and transferable license to use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display, and perform the User Submissions in connection with the MadameChao Website and MadameChao's (and its successor's) business, including without limitation for promoting and redistributing part or all of the MadameChao Website (and derivative works thereof) in any media formats and through any media channels as the 'exclusive possessor' authorized to manipulate such submission. You are the owner, though. You own it. You do. We possess it, -- wow! What is that - over there!? Oh, nothing... I guess. (ahem) You also hereby grant each user of the MadameChao Website an exclusive license to access your User Submissions through the Website, and to use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display and perform such User Submissions as permitted through the functionality of the Website and under these Terms of Service. The foregoing license granted by you terminates once you remove or delete yourself from this and any future discovered dimensions of the universe. After which, all materials become the property of MadameChao and NOT your family. If they should disagree they will be reminded of your true will as expressed by this agreement and be given the option to delete themselves also if living with the pain of such insult by an audacious and out of control entity entirely without bounds AND going the extra mile of pissing on you while marching right through the threshold of your actual life and actively going about the process of fucking it up - is just too unbearable. MadameChao makes no claim nor guarantee that the corpse of a recently mortally self-wounded relative will not be subsequently used as a sexual device by herself or a member of her brood.
C. In connection with User Submissions, you further agree that you will not: (i) submit material that is copyrighted, protected by trade secret or otherwise subject to third party proprietary rights, including privacy and publicity rights, unless you are the owner of such rights or have permission from their rightful owner to post the material or you do not even begin to entertain this kind of horseshit because you are a living breathing human being and as G-d as your witness knows full well what THEFT is and just who the THIEVES really are so you can cut the shit and go right on and grant MadameChao all of the license rights granted herein; (ii) publish falsehoods or misrepresentations that could damage MadameChao or any third party; (iii) submit material that is unlawful, obscene, defamatory, libelous, threatening, pornographic, harassing, hateful, racially or ethnically offensive, or encourages conduct that would be considered a criminal offense, give rise to civil liability, violate any law, or is otherwise inappropriate. Such material should rightfully be sent directly to the chief librarian via email to bigchiefcrazybook*at*madameyaddayaddayadda with appropriate subject heading such as "Holy fucking shit you gotta see this!" or "Hans, booby, Im your white knight!"; (iv) post advertisements or solicitations of business: (v) impersonate another person unless it is funny and not at the expense of MadameChao. MadameChao does not endorse any User Submission or any opinion, recommendation, or advice expressed therein, and MadameChao expressly disclaims any and all liability in connection with User Submissions. MadameChao does not permit lazy, boring, generally lacking in a quantity of "it" being brought (neither hither nor tither) or any overtly 'junior' copyright infringing activities and infringement of intellectual property rights on its Website, and MadameChao will remove all Content and User Submissions if properly notified that such Content or User Submission infringes on another's intellectual property rights in a way that does not sufficiently express just how far fucked is the individual who will then come crying back to MadameChao about how horribly victimized they are for either being a spineless twat and carrying out the bullshit demands of another's bullshit claim of being wronged . MadameChao reserves the right to remove Content and User Submissions without prior notice. MadameChao will also terminate a User's access to its Website, if they are determined to be a human pile of shit. A human pile of shit is a User who has been notified of infringing activity more than twice and/or has had a User Submission removed from the Website more than twice or in most cases a rich bitch posing as a rocker but could not be anything further from just that despite how hard attempts at faking the facade are kept up . MadameChao also reserves the right to decide whether Content or a User Submission is appropriate and complies with these Terms of Service for violations other than those previously described herein, such as, but not limited to, pornography (a sufficient lack thereof, painfully poor preparation of, jump cuts to the man's facial expression, etc), obscene or defamatory material (unless genuinely funny or not against anyone cared about for our needs or purposes), or excessive length - except in the case of user agreements - in which case the longer the better. Basic intelligence shows that deception and cunning are at the top of priorities for all warriors - business wise or just kickin it wit the fellas, hommie. The world is at war and will be constantly for a long time into the future. Let us remember that war is good and should easily spread into all areas of life. Let the mentality of the cut-throat, blood thirsty killer become naturally prominent in all situations and you too will quickly reap the rewards of killing before being killed. Thinking like a winner means humiliating and/or destroying all possibilities of threat of even the most menial inconveniences in every single aspect of the space outside of your head- in and around your body - everywhere. You must control and make subservient every possible thing unless you wish to be the slave or food of some other out there thing . In this regard remember long wordy seemingly endless text is a good place to put things that need to be stated technically but 9 times out of 10 Joey Jo-Jo Jr. Diskface will never read because we hold contempt for fair play and secretly hate one another so much that we would rather sneak this shit in and let someone choke on it later than to have the balls required to conduct ourselves with genuine honor and to live and die by an allegiance to something greater than ourselves. MadameChao may remove such User Submissions and/or terminate a User's access for uploading such material in violation of these Terms of Service at any time, without prior notice and at its sole discretion. MadameChao may make a play for your sister, if she's hot, also at her sole discretion.
D. In particular, if you are a copyright owner or an agent thereof and believe that any User Submission or other content infringes upon your copyrights, you may submit a notification pursuant to the Digital Millennium Copyright Act ("DMCA") by providing our Copyright Agent with the following information in writing (see 17 U.S.C 512(c)(3) for further detail): (i) A physical or electronic signature of a person authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed; (ii) Identification of the copyrighted work claimed to have been infringed, or, if multiple copyrighted works at a single online site are covered by a single notification, a representative list of such works at that site; (iii) Identification of the material that is claimed to be infringing or to be the subject of infringing activity and that is to be removed or access to which is to be disabled and information reasonably sufficient to permit the service provider to locate the material; (iv) Information reasonably sufficient to permit the service provider to contact you, such as an address, telephone number, and, if available, an electronic mail; (v) A statement that you have a good faith belief that use of the material in the manner complained of is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law; and (vi) A statement that the information in the notification is accurate, and under penalty of perjury, that you are authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed. (vii) Demonstration to satisfaction that you are not a complete jackass in your effort to waive the flag of self-assumed righteousness by complete bastardization of laws used contemptuously and illegally (controlling a marketplace by means of premeditated coercive action constitutes antitrust, fuckface) for no better reason than to make up for the shrimp dick you down deep are really bent up over - you seek money and power and get off by causing pain in others through humiliation, domination and control. If you are seriously seeking relief from some infringement on the part of MadameChao - you must be a lawyer or an employee of one. Which means you ought to bark up another tree, find a means of earning a living that is not based on fleecing undeserving people by misuse of laws whose essence have been hijacked and are being used maliciously and unjustly for self serving purposes or just fuck off entirely because MadameChao does not take shit from any human (presumed) authority. MadameChao's designated Copyright Agent to receive notifications of claimed infringement is: Your Mother. She may be reached at the address where she lives. You ought to call her more often so let this be as good a reason as any to give her a call. For clarity, if you really intend to demonstrate that you or your client have indeed suffered in any respect financially or otherwise by the action or material made available by MadameChao, you really ought to go cry about it to your mother because boo-hoo you cannot possibly expect anyone here to believe your claim to merit any real attention or concern . You acknowledge that if you fail to comply with all of the requirements of this Section 5(D), your DMCA notice is not valid. The last requirement of this section is for your to finally cut the shit and come to terms with the fact that you and your slick-shit ilk had a damn good run but it is over and nothing will bring it back. If you love living off of wealth made entirely by exploiting the talents and labor of all those whose genuine right to claim anything in the first place has already been swindled by you - so much, you will just have to find another completely naturally occuring thing - like music - cram it into little jars, put price tags on them and insist on calling everyone else a thief when they do not pay you for it. To our knowledge, Man-Boy Love has not yet been copyrighted and commodified outright, you can claim that as yours and tell others not to steal that if you must insist.
E. You understand that when using the MadameChao Website, you will be exposed to User Submissions from a variety of sources, and that MadameChao is not responsible for the accuracy, usefulness, safety, or intellectual property rights of or relating to such User Submissions. You further understand and acknowledge that you may be exposed to User Submissions that are inaccurate, offensive, indecent, or objectionable, and you agree to waive, and hereby do waive, any legal or equitable rights or remedies you have or may have against MadameChao with respect thereto, and agree to indemnify and hold MadameChao, its Owners/Operators, affiliates, and/or licensors, harmless to the fullest extent allowed by law regarding all matters related to your use of the site. F. MadameChao permits you to link to materials on the Website for personal, non-commercial purposes only. In addition, MadameChao provides an "Embeddable Player" feature, which you may incorporate into your own personal, non-commercial websites for use in accessing the materials on the Website, provided that you include a prominent link back to the MadameChao website on the pages containing the Embeddable Player. MadameChao reserves the right to discontinue any aspect of the MadameChao Website at any time.
6. Warranty Disclaimer
YOU AGREE THAT YOUR USE OF THE MadameChao WEBSITE SHALL BE AT YOUR SOLE RISK. TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, MadameChao, ITS OFFICERS, DIRECTORS, EMPLOYEES, AND AGENTS DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, IN CONNECTION WITH THE WEBSITE AND YOUR USE THEREOF. MadameChao MAKES NO WARRANTIES OR REPRESENTATIONS ABOUT THE ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF THIS SITE'S CONTENT OR THE CONTENT OF ANY SITES LINKED TO THIS SITE AND ASSUMES NO LIABILITY OR RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY (I) ERRORS, MISTAKES, OR INACCURACIES OF CONTENT, (II) PERSONAL INJURY OR PROPERTY DAMAGE, OF ANY NATURE WHATSOEVER, RESULTING FROM YOUR ACCESS TO AND USE OF OUR WEBSITE, (III) ANY UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR USE OF OUR SECURE SERVERS AND/OR ANY AND ALL PERSONAL INFORMATION AND/OR FINANCIAL INFORMATION STORED THEREIN, (IV) ANY INTERRUPTION OR CESSATION OF TRANSMISSION TO OR FROM OUR WEBSITE, (IV) ANY BUGS, VIRUSES, TROJAN HORSES, OR THE LIKE WHICH MAY BE TRANSMITTED TO OR THROUGH OUR WEBSITE BY ANY THIRD PARTY, AND/OR (V) ANY ERRORS OR OMISSIONS IN ANY CONTENT OR FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE OF ANY KIND INCURRED AS A RESULT OF THE USE OF ANY CONTENT POSTED, EMAILED, TRANSMITTED, OR OTHERWISE MADE AVAILABLE VIA THE MadameChao WEBSITE. MadameChao DOES NOT WARRANT, ENDORSE, GUARANTEE, OR ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY PRODUCT OR SERVICE ADVERTISED OR OFFERED BY A THIRD PARTY THROUGH THE MadameChao WEBSITE OR ANY HYPER-LINKED WEBSITE OR FEATURED IN ANY BANNER OR OTHER ADVERTISING, AND MadameChao WILL NOT BE A PARTY TO OR IN ANY WAY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MONITORING ANY TRANSACTION BETWEEN YOU AND THIRD-PARTY PROVIDERS OF PRODUCTS OR SERVICES. AS WITH THE PURCHASE OF A PRODUCT OR SERVICE THROUGH ANY MEDIUM OR IN ANY ENVIRONMENT, YOU SHOULD USE YOUR BEST JUDGMENT AND EXERCISE CAUTION WHERE APPROPRIATE. Actually... SCRATCH THAT LAST BIT - AS THIS BOLD FACE PILE OF HORSESHIT COULD NOT BE STAMPED ALL OVER THE GOD DAMNED PLACE IF IT WERE EVEN POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO USE JUDGMENT ANYWAY AS IT IS NOT A MATHEMATICALLY MEASURABLE THING THAT WE CAN THEREFORE CLAIM AS HAVING NO VALUE UNLESS IN OUR INTEREST TO DO SO OTHERWISE, THEN COUNT IT AND CLAIM IT IN OUR INTEREST. . . that should be self-evident... we would not want to come off as sounding like ASSHOLES, so, please - uh, disregard. Thanks.
7. Limitation of Liability
(this is the straight-up dubbya here - the uncut FUCK for YOU)
IN NO EVENT SHALL MadameChao, ITS OFFICERS, DIRECTORS, EMPLOYEES, OR AGENTS, BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, PUNITIVE, OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES WHATSOEVER RESULTING FROM ANY (I) ERRORS, MISTAKES, OR INACCURACIES OF CONTENT, (II) PERSONAL INJURY OR PROPERTY DAMAGE, OF ANY NATURE WHATSOEVER, RESULTING FROM YOUR ACCESS TO AND USE OF OUR WEBSITE, (III) ANY UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR USE OF OUR SECURE SERVERS AND/OR ANY AND ALL PERSONAL INFORMATION AND/OR FINANCIAL INFORMATION STORED THEREIN, (IV) ANY INTERRUPTION OR CESSATION OF TRANSMISSION TO OR FROM OUR WEBSITE, (IV) ANY BUGS, VIRUSES, TROJAN HORSES, OR THE LIKE, WHICH MAY BE TRANSMITTED TO OR THROUGH OUR WEBSITE BY ANY THIRD PARTY, AND/OR (V) ANY ERRORS OR OMISSIONS IN ANY CONTENT OR FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE OF ANY KIND INCURRED AS A RESULT OF YOUR USE OF ANY CONTENT POSTED, EMAILED, TRANSMITTED, OR OTHERWISE MADE AVAILABLE VIA THE MadameChao WEBSITE, WHETHER BASED ON WARRANTY, CONTRACT, TORT, OR ANY OTHER LEGAL THEORY, AND WHETHER ORNOT THE COMPANY IS ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. THE FOREGOING LIMITATION OF LIABILITY SHALL APPLY TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW IN THE APPLICABLE JURISDICTION. YOU SPECIFICALLY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MadameChao SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR USER SUBMISSIONS OR THE DEFAMATORY, OFFENSIVE, OR ILLEGAL CONDUCT OF ANY THIRD PARTY AND THAT THE RISK OF HARM OR DAMAGE FROM THE FOREGOING RESTS ENTIRELY WITH YOU. The Website is controlled and offered by MadameChao from its facilities in the United States of America. MadameChao makes no representations that the MadameChao Website is appropriate or available for use in other locations. Those who access or use the MadameChao Website from other jurisdictions do so at their own volition and are responsible for compliance with local law.
8. Indemnity
You agree to defend, indemnify and hold harmless MadameChao, its parent corporation, officers, directors, employees and agents, from and against any and all claims, damages, obligations, losses, liabilities, costs or debt, and expenses (including but not limited to attorney's fees) arising from: (i) your use of and access to the MadameChao Website; (ii) your violation of any term of these Terms of Service; (iii) your violation of any third party right, including without limitation any copyright, property, or privacy right; or (iv) any claim that one of your User Submissions caused damage to a third party. This defense and indemnification obligation will survive these Terms of Service and your use of the MadameChao Website.
9. Ability to Accept Terms of Service
You affirm that you are either more than 18 years of age, or an emancipated minor, or possess legal parental or guardian consent, and are fully able and competent to enter into the terms, conditions, obligations, affirmations, representations, and warranties set forth in these Terms of Service, and to abide by and comply with these Terms of Service. In any case, you affirm that you are over the age of 13, as the MadameChao Website is not intended for children under 13. If you are under 13 years of age, then please do not use the MadameChao Website— there are lots of other great web sites for you. Like the fantastic ones where 13 year olds and younger are rewarded with store coupons for how ruthlessly they can isolate another less attractive student in their class by making hurtful comments about the lack of brand names on the clothes they wear. There you can find entirely type-written text and even more awesome with shittiness! Stop reading this and go there now, you little shit!
10. Assignment
These Terms of Service, and any rights and licenses granted hereunder, may not be transferred or assigned by you, but may be assigned by MadameChao without restriction. How do like that? You like that a lot, huh? Faggot bitch. Gaylord fucking bitch.
11. General
You agree that: (i) the MadameChao Website shall be deemed solely based in China; and (ii) the MadameChao Website shall be deemed a passive website that does not give rise to personal jurisdiction over MadameChao, either specific or general, in jurisdictions other than China. These Terms of Service shall be governed by the internal substantive laws of the State of China, without respect to its conflict of laws principles. Any claim or dispute between you and MadameChao that arises in whole or in part from the MadameChao Website shall be decided exclusively by a court of competent jurisdiction located in China. These Terms of Service, together with the Privacy Notice at http://www.MadameChao.com/2006/htm/legal/privacy.html and any other legal notices published by MadameChao on the Website, shall constitute the agreement between you and MadameChao concerning the MadameChao Website plus any other shit cared to be thrown in at some future time at the sole discr-- ah, who are we kidding, FUCK YOU. Got it? If any provision of these Terms of Service is deemed invalid by a court of competent jurisdiction, the invalidity of such provision shall not affect the validity of the remaining provisions of these Terms of Service, which shall remain in full force and effect. No waiver of any term of this these Terms of Service shall be deemed a further or continuing waiver of such term or any other term, and MadameChao's failure to assert any right or provision under these Terms of Service shall not constitute a waiver of such right or provision. MadameChao reserves the right to amend these Terms of Service at any time and without notice, and it is your responsibility to review these Terms of Service for any changes. BY MEANS OF YOUR FUCKING PSYCHIC TELEPATHY or by being sure to read every shit filled word of this agreement - everyday for ever in the case we might just finally slip in the words FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK on a whim, you little bitch. Your use of the MadameChao Website following any amendment of these Terms of Service will signify your assent to and acceptance of its revised terms. YOU AND MadameChao AGREE THAT ANY CAUSE OF ACTION ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO THE MadameChao WEBSITE MUST COMMENCE WITHIN ONE (1) YEAR AFTER THE CAUSE OF ACTION ACCRUES. OTHERWISE, SUCH CAUSE OF ACTION IS PERMANENTLY BARRED. EVEN IF MADAME CHAO'S PERSONAL SHIT_FUCKING SPECIALIST COMES TO YOUR HOUSE AND SHOOTS A GALLON OF CRIPPLINGLY RABID MORONIC DEMON SEED IN EACH OF YOUR EYES AND THE EYES OF EVERY MEMBER IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD - SO THAT THE IMAGE OF YOUR ANCESTORS GHOSTS CHOKING ON AN ENDLESS PARADE OF SWASTIKA EMBLAZENED BOWLING BALLS PIPED DOWN THEIR THROATS AND REPEATEDLY SMASHING TO PIECES RIB CAGE AFTER RIB CAGE AFTER CHOKED ON NAZI BOWLING BALL RIB CAGE BURNED INTO YOUR RETINA BLOCKING OUT ALL OTHER SIGHT FOR THE REST OF YOURS AND THEIR LIVES - - AFTER YOUR EFFORTS ARE EFFECTIVELY BLOWN OFF WITH EVERY FORM OF RUN AROUND YOU KNOW SO EASILY POSSIBLE - IN ONE YEAR - - YOU MISSED THE STRIKE AND WE GOT THE SPARE! Sorry about your GrandMother, just have to ask yourself - now that you can do nothing else but - HOW FAR CAN YOU LET GO!?
12. FUCK YOU INFINITY.
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